Who are your picks for Team Canada?

Bearing in mind I don’t give a toss for the Olympics, let’s compare Canada’s projected team

The HockeyChat.ca staff at work in the Olympic coverage war room, poring over NHL rosters, and comparing Scotch.

The HockeyChat.ca staff at work in the Olympic coverage war room, poring over NHL rosters, and comparing Scotch.

By HockeyChat.ca Staff

This is the start of the most sacred time of the Christian calendar. So, let’s show due reverence and worship by discussing Canada’s Ice Hockey team for an Olympics that is more than a year off. Like most of the quadrennial games since the re-introduction of professionals, Canada is favoured for the auric laurel. There are, however, some questionable options being bandied about by the pixel-stained wretches at the digital rags aspiring to the heights of your esteemed preference, the not even locally renowned HockeyChat.ca. 

Following shall be some lists compiled by lesser hockey minds. Fools. Those that threw like girls as children and young adults. Those without penis or alcohol enough to be a current or former HockeyChat.ca regular. Or, to be irregular. Those that claim to have “played” or “managed” in the NHL or Canadian junior ranks. Or, the lists were compiled by “insiders”. You know, those that “claim” to “know” NHL management types, or when to appropriately use quotation marks. Study these lists for what they are. Garbage! An affront to the big mouths and homer values of interweb hockey authorities the world over.

Options with ages, highlighting the lone Leaf, presented by the tall foreheads at TSN

Options with ages, highlighting the lone Leaf, presented by the tall foreheads at TSN

A more psychedelic vieszpoint, and  thoroughly drug addled selection.

A more psychedelic vieszpoint, and thoroughly drug addled selection.

And finally. choices from the tenth floor of Scarborough General Hospital.

And finally. choices from the tenth floor of Scarborough General Hospital.

So, the question goes out to the not a dozen of you loyal HockeyChat.ca readers: ‘who would you pick?’ Using these highly questionable, alcohol influenced lists as a template, what are your choices, and why? For instance, say, oh, I don’t know … maybe Carey Price? Why would you scream at the top of your lungs that that geriatric, over-paid, washed-up, past his sell by date piece of shit should not even be thought of when discussing Olympic or World Cup talent? And why? And with whom would he be replaced?

The lead writer of this glorious epic prepares his fantasy roster for the upcoming test of national will:

The lead writer of this glorious epic prepares his fantasy roster for the upcoming test of national will: “What? Matthews isn’t Canadian? What about Kyle Connor, then? No!? Carlson?”

Can’t top these lists? These lists that contain many shit, over the hill, and were never any good clowns that are easily supplanted by a dozen Canucks? These lists that, like free agency, reward a tosser for something he did eight years back? Or maybe you’d like to insert a player from another country? A sort of NHL ‘All World’ team as it were. For instance, Vasilevskiy in goal, or Draisaitl on wing, or perchance a Swede? LOLOLOL !!! Just kidding. NO FUCKING SWEDES. For a head start on that, he are two lists side by each that are over top one another for comparison:

On top: 'Team Gold Medal'. On bottom: 'Team Suck it'.

On top: ‘Team Gold Medal’. On bottom: ‘Team Suck it’.

That bottom team sure looks odd; no Canadians, and only one “kind of” Canadian. How the Hell do they expect to win anything? Is there an intramural tiddly-winks competition going on in the Athletes Gulag during the hockey medal ceremonies? Any who, spew one’s opinion below. This is all one gets for Good Friday, and probably all four day weekend. Enjoy.